Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
