Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
