i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
