he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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