she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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