4 words: hood of his car
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
