i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
