Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude i'm inner monologue high
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
