This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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