Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
