Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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