Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
