Duck Duck Cougar?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
