Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
