Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
