Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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