Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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