I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
