He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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