just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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