Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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