we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
