Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
