You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize