Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
