My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if only i could text you this smell
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
