So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize