apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My penis needs a shock collar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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