I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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