he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
