He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
