apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
