So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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