You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
