Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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