just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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