I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
