I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
