Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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