Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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