They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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