Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
