i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
