She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
