trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize