i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
