So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
