Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
