Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize