i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Terrible idea I love it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
