I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
