she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
