Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I didn't shave. On purpose
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
