I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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