I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
