1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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