dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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