Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
