My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
