I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
