Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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