He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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