if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
