I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
