Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
