I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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