so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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