Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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