hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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