haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
