I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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